eighteen months old and my first
word, ma (妈), had the new-born
ambivalence of english Ma and
chinese mā. the sound pinched flat
at the ends either way, a baby attempt
for Mother. (妈妈)。
five (五) years old and shying away
from my grandmothers (奶奶) on the
other side of a phone call on the other side
of the world (世界)。the inability to respond
(说话) scared me more than the lack
of understanding (我不明白。我不―)
eight (八) and saying 对不起 (sorry)
to my chinese teacher. 我次到了。(i’m here now,
i’m late.) hiding the fact google translate
still lurked on a separate tab.
ten (十) years old and making fun of
my mother’s backwards english (英文).
forgetting the four-word proverb (成语)
about cicadas (蝉) and ignorance.
twelve (十二) and realizing
she thought in a different language.
thirteen (十三) and counting the years
since the last chinatown (中国城) visit.
fourteen (十四) and still relying on mom
to order dumplings (饺子) from the
xiao long bao place. ignoring
the waiter’s pity. (小姐，还要一盘！)
fifteen (十五) and saying
sorry (对不起), mom,
i guess chinese school never
worked on me after all.
sixteen (十六) years old
and wondering if i’ve lost
my mother (母亲)
tongue.
Clarisse Kim (she/her) is a student and aspiring writer. Her writing has been published in the Marin Poetry Anthology and Under the Madness Magazine. When she isn't writing, Clarisse can be found reading the latest sci-fi novel, eating her weight in MadeGood berry granola bars, or playing (and losing) crane games.
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